I found out that there is a website that you can send in your blog, and have it put into a book. Since I am not a great journal keeper I think it would be interesting to do that. So I don't really care if anyone reads it. I am just writing as much as I can, so it can be like a journal book some day.
Anyways I am 7 minutes away from being 25 years old. I say that not to announce to everyone that it's my birthday, but because turning 25 has really made me think about some things.
I am a truly blessed woman, in the past few years I have learned what is important in my life. Surprisingly it is not what I thought it would be when I knew it all back when I was 16. I found out that the love of my life is not a blond guy with stunning blue eyes. He is a tall, dark and handsome Spaniard that I met when I was 18. I found out that I will aways take exactly one hour to get ready at the LEAST. I love trying to look my best, though sometimes my best is not good enough for me.
I found out that I LOVE being pregnant, and I love my children. I cannot even remember or imagine life without them. I have made some really dumb choices in my life that have led me to much heart ache, and though I wish I could keep other people from making those mistakes. I CAN'T. I just recently realize that I am my worst enemy, but still can't do anything about that. I have so much to learn still, but I just want to teach. Teach my kids that they have loving parents who have worked really hard to get them here. I try not to take for granted of the time I have with them. That is why I "nuggle" with both of them for nap time and night time. I know sometimes that turns out to be a pain, because of all the things I have to do. But you know what... The house will always be there to be cleaned, they made drive through for a reason. But kids are only little for a short period of time, and than they will be gone. Live their lives, have their kids. And I will be here cleaning and cooking.
I also know that life has it's priorities, and as much as I love my children I have to love who gave them to me even more. God has entrusted them to me, so that I can take care of them. I love Him for it. And secondly my husband, who works so hard and sacrifices so much. Just so that I can be home teaching them, and taking care of them. Sometimes I feel a little down about myself, because the world now makes me feel less of what I am. I don't have a degree, and I don't have any desire of getting one. Not because I am dumb and can't do it, though Satan tries to convince me of that. But because I just don't want to wake up one morning, and see that I missed the best thing in life.
Not to offend anyone who works, that may be what you want to do. I also know that some people cannot stay home at the moment, and that is why I am so grateful that I can. We may not be able to get the boat, or the luxurious things in life. But to me it is so worth it. I realize that friends are hard to find, and that my mom has and will always be one of my best friends. I found out that being away from my family is harder than I thought it would be. I regret that I tried to grow up too fast, but do NOT regret getting married young. I have seen too many people go crazy after they turn 18, and got a little bit of freedom. I believe that I am who I am today because of the choices I made, I am so glad that I was raised in a manner that even though I made bad choices, I was never allowed to make them so bad that it altered or damaged my plan for an Eternal marriage.
I know that families are forever, and not until death comes along. I know now that I am raising my kids much like I was raised. I am thankful for the example that my parents are, showing me that it is possible to make a marriage work. When the world now does not even believe in marriage anymore. I am not afraid of speaking my mind, and that is a gift and a curse at the same time. I love having fun, I do NOT miss high school. But I miss not having responsibilities some times. I wish I had listen to my parents when they told me life was easy back then. I only kissed 4 guys in my life and that was 3 too many.
I love to spend time with my husband, even if it's a little here and there when the kids are asleep. I love that he loves me. I love that he loves our kids, it is a shame that he will never know how good of a dad he really is. But I love him more because of it. Spencer tells me at least 10 times a day that he loves me, and I tell it back to him 2 times every time he does. I believe that if I do that he will always know that when ever he is in need of some love. All he has to do is show some love. I think it's working, i haven't seen another 3 year old tell his mom he loves her just because he felt like it. It saddens me to know sometimes that I am doing my best as their mother, but that they deserve so much more.
So I am one quarter of a century old, and even though that may not seam like a lot. I think I have come a long way, in my life's check list. I know there is so much more to be done, and so much that I don't know. So much that I need to work on. More kids to bring down to earth, and so much more heart aches. But I hope and pray that as I learn and go through these things that I will be molded to what my Heavenly Father wants me to be.
I know that God lives, he is my foundation and the center of our home. I am not in any way, shape, or form, close to doing all that I should be doing. But I am grateful that Christ came to earth and died for me, and is willing to come through for me in the areas that I lack. As long as I endure it to the end. I love my religion, and I am not ashamed of it. It also played a major role as to who I am today. I know I am a daughter of God, and that he loves me. And even though to the world I am not "worth" much, because I am "just" a mother. I am all that I wanted to be, from the time I was a little girl. And even more important I am worth more in the eyes of God, being a mother is being selfless, giving up time, or postponing my own life because of the role that I took when I gave birth.
So I am 25, I am a woman, a mother, a sister, a daughter, a wife. And I LOVE being every one of those.
