How much can one heart take?

This is now my favorite song... It is from a new favorite CD, A Nashville Tribute to Joseph Smith. A couple of weeks ago I was able to go with my youth to a Youth Conference, with 7 stakes. There were over 700 kids there, and it was amazing. The conference started on Thursday, and up until that Monday I was super excited to go. However things changed very quickly after a Dr.'s appointment that Monday. Here is why.
If you have been following my blog you have read my entry from back in May, about Jesus coming to our home. If not go HERE
However when I posted that I left out a couple important points, #1 I left out the last sentence of our conversation. Spencer finished by saying: Yes mommy he brought Joseph for you! #2 Through out that whole day I thought about that last sentence, and around 6:00pm I took off to Walgreens to buy a Prego test. Sure enough 2 BRIGHT red lines showed up. I was amazed... I was not even late. But I was so excited to know that I was pregnant.
We did not announce to any one, due to my history of miscarriages. And for a month we prayed every night that the baby would be okay. That Monday I should have been almost 8 weeks pregnant. We went to the Dr. and had an ultrasound, just to find out there was no heart beat. AGAIN. The Doctor told me to stop taking the Hormones, and I would loose the baby with in 3 days. Great! Not only am I heart broken, but I am going to go through a miscarriage during Youth Conference? No other leaders from our ward would be there, as much as I wanted to call and tell them I would not make it. I felt like I owed to the kids to go with them. After 3 days of crying, and questioning my faith, I packed my junk and drove to Kentucky.
Upon arriving, they had a meeting with the leaders. I don't remember much about it, but I do remember them saying. You are here for no other reason then to serve the youth and Heavenly Father, try to forget your needs and your life for 3 days and devote every second to these kids, and you will be greatly blessed. Yeah easier said when you are not Bleeding to death, but if anyone needed blessings I DID. So I took it to heart, and went to my dorm and prayed that Heavenly Father would make it bearable for me to endure. I went with my kids everywhere, to every class, and devotional. It was amazing for me to see them grow, right before my eyes. It was fun felling like I was a kid again, and it was at a concert there that I silently cried my heart out. How much can one heart take? Is a song to Emma Smith, When you've lost your husband, and you buried your children, The angels stood in reverence as you prayed. Although my trials are not the same, at times I felt as though my heart could take it no more.  Through out that conference, I felt the arms of the savior surrounding me, comforting, and giving me the strength to be there. He testified to me many times, of the truthfulness of gospel, and his love for me.  I was not alone, he knew what I was going through, and although the reasons for my 4 miscarriages is still unknown. I know I have to endure them, it is my trial in life. The Lord answered my prayers and I did not loose the baby while there, the following week while I was going through the miscarriage. There were times, I wanted to cry, and scream, and just be mad at the world. However, every time that thought came into my mind, an overwhelming feeling of peace filled my heart. The though came many times to my mind, Just give your pain to me, and let me help you. When I wanted to fall apart, I prayed and gave him my pain. 
He took it, and gave me peace. I still lost my baby, I still don't understand. But I do know that God lives, I know that nothing else could explain the feeling that I had. I am so grateful that I have a Loving Heavenly Father who loves me and knows me personally. Who helps me through life, and blesses me in so many ways. So when all else fail, and nothing seems to go right. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS. My husband is my rock, the one who holds me together. I don't know that many man would be able to do and be who he is. My children, with every miscarriage become a Grater miracle in my eyes. They are truly angel from above sent here to bless my life every day.
It has take me this long to be able to share this with the world, and although some may think that I should not be so open about my life. I have learned it helps me to talk about it, in my own time.


Moving on to something more uplifting, we had some fun times this past month. Lots of different activities that the kids enjoyed. Here are some of them.

Stephanie got her chance to go to the Bounce Barn

And she loved it. 

I have to say the slides were a big HIT this time around.

It was definitely Stephanie's favorite.

The good thing about having kids is... They give you an excuse to do things you would not normally do.

Stephanie got a potty, we sat on it for 15 min. then got up and peed on the bathroom floor.

Maybe we should wait a little longer. I don't know how my mom got me trained when I was 15 months old...

Spencer had some swimming lessons. By the end of last summer he was swimming on his own. So it was not hard to pick it right up again.

I am pretty sure there were only boys born in 2006.

He loved jumping off the Diving board.

The next day we went back just to play on the pool and he jumped off with my sister waiting for him. The life guard did not like that, so I told her to watch him because he was not afraid of going by himself. Sure enough he jumped 4 more times without anyone waiting for him, and he swam back all by him self. That is a 12 ft deep pool by the way. I am soooo proud of my little man.

He is ready for the summer.

Of course little miss could not stay out of the fun.

She had the whole pool all for herself. 

And who would not love that?

You see what I mean? She is a blessing.

Next we were off to Florida. Where she was mesmerized by the beach.

Beach Queen!

Am I the worst mommy if I admitted that I LOVE THIS PICTURE?

Going to Catch a waive.

He is such a good Brother!

Our 4th of July was a little different this year, Due to the rain and the unreasonable fever of 102.6 that Stephanie had for 3 days. We did not go to see the fire works. We stayed home, and went outside to see the illegal launch of surrounding neighbors fireworks. Which if I may say, I was pleasantly surprised at how good they were. After being there a few min, neighbors started to come out with fire crackers for the kids. They brought chairs, and drinks. A party started and it was a lot of fun.

This is my fireman, if you smell fire... Be sure that Spencer is near by.

My dad bought a set of drums last year... I think its a midlife crisis or something. But the neighbor came out with the guitar we brought out the drums, and broke out the music. We even had Star Spangled Banner. Life right there in our front yard.

Even the kids got a chance to play.

HUM.... EXCUSE ME!!!! Why are they feeding my kid that poison? Don't get me wrong. Nothing against COKE, but if you look at that thing... IT IS DIET CAFFEINE FREE COKE.... YACK.

I was debating if I should even mention this in public... But those of you who know me, are aware that I was born in Brazil. My husband is from Spain. So our children are made in the USA with Brazilian and Spanish parts. Anyways the world cup came along and we were pumped, Jerseys came in just for us to cheer them on.

Little did we know... It came from the wrong country.

If you follow soccer you know that Spain took the tittle this time around. Which I am so very happy for them.

So now we put in an order for red Jerseys, we will be ready in 4 year.