How to be an amazing parent.

How does one know that they have accomplished the task of being a good parent? 

I know the answer is... Every child is different, and every parent has their ways of raising kids, and bla bla bla...

The truth is... there is a right way, and I am humble enough to announce that I have it down pat. And now you , have the previllege of learning from me. Aren't you lucky!? You see, when you think of a well behaved kid, you think of a quiet kid, who eats well, while sitting down and not running around. Right? Well How on earth do you accomplish that? SIMPLE! 

You give them Ice Cream, that will shut them up... 

put them high enough off the ground and they can't run around.

And I guarantee, they will eat it all!

Well what else is characteristic of a good kid?

 A child who will go to bed in time, and sleep all night. And how about one who will help with the younger sibling.

Well you strap them together on a moving object, and they will take care of each other.

However there may be breakdowns...

Especially when one of them is not strapped on that moving object.

But that's when they learn the hard lesson, of taking turns. 

You spin up and down, while I spin around. 

How will this help with going to bed on time? Well a few hours of this and they will go to bed ANY time. for a LONG time.

And even though we are working on patience... You know, waiting for the car to go around.without crying.

When it does go around it's a perfect bliss.

How about a child who will help around the house? 

Yep you tell them that, it is Cool to sit and drive around a tractor, and we have a perfectly good one at home and he can drive it all around the lawn. 

 And finally how about those really well behaved kids in the airplanes? 

Yes, if you have a boy, all you need is something small that takes a while to set up. And of course, makes sounds like bam bam, or brrruuu. Sounds of guns, shooting others to death.

And if you have a little girl... well all you need is CHOCOLATE. However many hours of it you need.

So there, this is how you become an amazing parent. You are so welcome for these life changing tips. I am glad I was able to make an impact in your life and the way you you raise your kids.  

Hey, if anything... I am glad I was ab;e to make you feel like you are better parent, becasue you don't have to do all this to control your kids.